You don't know me...

I grew up dirt poor. My mom married my stepdad and we were eventually able to rent half of a duplex. From ages 4 to 7, I remember always being in trouble. I got picked on a lot. Kids at school called me all kinds of names. I didn't do well in school either. My mom and my stepdad got divorced when I was 9. I moved around a lot between the 3 parents. In 7th grade I moved in with my dad. I'm just gonna say I was abused, not sexually, just abused. During that same time frame, I was trying to figure out what "normal" was since that's what everyone in my entire life wanted me to be. By 9th grade, when highschool started, I figured I'd just try everything that came to mind. I tried being androgynous, I mean not make up or anything but some skinny jeans from the woman's section and a nice sleeveless turtle that matched,but that just wasn't for me. I did do the full drag for 2 weeks, also not for me. I didn't care because at some point in middle school people started calling me fagget and poof and all sorts of new words that I took the time to try and see if it was true. In 9th grade I dated a black guy, we shall call him "J". My dad found out and kinda shut down. Then I dated another guy, "Andy" he was a true Adonis, also black. I mean he was cut. Any way... That lasted til I moved to this town. I dated and "did" way more girls here than I ever thought was possible. But I still had a couple of boyfriends. I told people I was bi and for the most part people left me alone about it. Highschool was a nightmare-ish mixture of confusion and realization. I'm told that's what college is for but what do I know... I failed highschool and just missed the chspe over the content of my essay. But I was lucky. My best friend of all my friends, a gay guy, has just come into a small sum and started a company that I worked for. He loaned me the money to get my GED. I got it right away. I just took the test and got it done. Then I was offered a free ride through college and that fell through. I did attend the UNM campus for a semester... Then I ended up living with my stepdad and my brothers in Selma Ca. I couldn't handle the "culture" of the household... I really need to get out and I had failed at almost everything. There were no jobs in the tiny rinky dink town. By this point I was sure that I was never gonna be normal and failure seemed to be my only companion. So I did something I never thought I would. I joined the army. After getting kicked out with a general discharge. I ended up in Boise. I lived in the projects. I met a girl. I wont go into details but terrible relationship. I tried to die. A whole months worth of psych pills and liquor... Poison was my choice because at least it was more like finally going to sleep... That also was a failure. I had a wild experience while I was dieing that I can only describe as a conversation with god. It took me months to get over the fact that I was a failure at failing too... After that I was homeless and squatting or couch surfing or sleeping under the bridge by the river... Then I called my best friend and he rescued me again... I got medicated and had some therapy and got off the meth and coke and weed and all that for a year. Then my ex wife and my 2 kids and my ex step son happened... That relationship was another show. There was plenty of blame on both sides. You can't call me homophobic. You can't say I'm against gays or their rights. I'm just straight. And I have no problem with inter racial whatever's either... Am I a member of this LGBT community? Hell no... I can't stand elitist bigotry and aggressive attention grabbing... Go ahead and love who you love but nobody else gives a shit... You wanna know what changed my world. Female ejaculation... Didn't even know it was a thing... Then I dated this chick... I was 18 she was 38... Changed everything... That and boobs... Is that spicy enough for you???